i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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