the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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