Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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