If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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