Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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