Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
