you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
