I have demons in me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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