I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
