i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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