Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
