If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
