Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
God I need to hump something, right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
