and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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