Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
