I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
