Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
