you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
