i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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