absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
