We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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