Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
