I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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