Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
