You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
