dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
