dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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