non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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