Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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