lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it hurts more in the daytime
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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