Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
