apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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