I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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