It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
