Welp...herpes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
