so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
