I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
