When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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