I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
