i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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