Your tits are I can't wait for
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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