I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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