His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
