She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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