I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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