I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
