She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
