it was like his penis was on wheels.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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