was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
