I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
