tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
