yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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