The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
